Friday, January 30, 2009

My next letter to Obama

My next letter to Obama will be shorter than the first.

Dear Mr. Obama,

I would like the following to be considered for your $819 million stimulus plan:

I found a house online I really like. It's got, like, 7 bedrooms and a freakin' hot tub on the porch that comes out from the master bedroom's balcony. Sweet.
Anyways, it's about $1,669,000. I'm sure I can talk 'em down a bit in this economy, but I would like to account for the full price. You know, for house inspection costs and home warranties and closing costs and such.

I would like to pay off some debt. I would also like to pay off FUTURE debt that I may incur as life goes on and as I discover I need more shoes. Let's just say $500,000.00. That should do it for now. I'll let you know if later down the road I'm in need.

I would love to buy the company I work for. Why, you ask? Long story short, the owner is going through a nasty divorce with his wife, who happens to be the CFO. It's not pretty. So, I want to buy the company so I can be in charge and take as many days off as I want. I want money, but I don't want to work. You know? We'll talk money details later. Just me and you.

That's all for now.

Thx. Bye.

My morning on Facebook

Okay, I'll admit it. I have a problem.

And no, I'm not going to Rehab. No, no, no.

Aside from the bad Amy Winehouse reference, I had an interesting experience on Facebook this morning.

I usually remain "offline" to limit the chat boxes that come up. I have stuff to do. Like stalk people. I don't WANT to talk.

Welp, I had been online last night, and forgotten to default back to "offline." I get a popped up box from a woman I used to work with. I haven't talked to her since my last days at my last job, in August 2006. So, you can imagine my surprise when her name popped up:

Christina: Hey
Allison: Hey you! How are you?
Christina: Really bad
Allison: Oh, no...
Christina: I was mugged at gun point in london lastnight
Allison: Oh my god! Are you OK?!
Christina: Not at all. Those muggers took my wallet and bank card.
Allison: Oh, my god... is there anything I can do?
Christina: I need help at the moment with a return ticket back home.

Immediately, I am suspicious. She has a husband, and she was a fairly popular person back at work. I'm on her list of people to help? Was she that desperate?
And what was going on? She was talking weird for Christina. Christina is always happy-go-lucky. I suppose if I was mugged, though, I'd be weird, too.

Allison: Holy cow... I'm just sitting here, stunned. I can't believe it. How awful. If I can make a phone call for you or anything, I will.
What do you need for a return ticket?
Christina: Thanks have been able to get some money wired to me here i need $650 to complete it

Ah. The ol' "wire me money" trick! What are you. Nigerian?
Then, I remembered that she's allergic to animals. Pet dander, that is.

Allison: How is your dog? Do you want me to go to your house and check on him?
Christina: No, a neighbor is doing that


Allison: OK. To wire money... How do I that? What number?
Christina: you can wire it online to me here
Allison: k, how?
Allison: ok, then what?

Meanwhile, I call a mutual friend of ours and ask him if Christina is in London. I explained what was going on, and he said, "Nope, her account was hacked into a while ago."
Ah, good times.

Christina: Fill it with your information. You would wire it to my name and address here in london.
Allison: k
Christina: Address; London uk Kentish town
Allison: No street number? Do it under your name?
Christina: 6 bas street
Allison: ok
Allison: I'm at work, give me a few minutes
Christina: OK
Allison: Oh, and by the way, I know your account has been hacked and I think there's a special place in hell for a lowlife like you.

Christina is offline.

Hm, that's too bad.

Moral of the story: The world may not have gotten worse in terms of crime, but it has gotten easier to commit those same crimes. Just do it under the guise of a friend of the victim.

A nice change from The Onion

If you like The Onion, but could do without the liberalness, check out The Endive.

Google, you suck

Google Sucks, Reason #1 of the Day:

It took 4 years for them to reprogram their search engine to not pop up with George W. Bush's biography when you searched for "miserable failure."

However, it didn't take NEARLY as long for them to "fix" the problem when Obama became President. For a short time, "miserable failure" brought a searcher to Obama's bio on the White House website.

But now, type in "cheerful achievement." See what comes up. The new Google bomb for our unexperienced President.

It's pretty pathetic, actually. One person from the article put it perfectly: Even the liberals know they're liberal.

Bend over, and keep drinkin' the grape Kool-Aid. Oh, yeaaahhh!

Google Sucks, Reason #2 of the Day:

Google kills Bambi.

Fuck you, Google.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Letter to Obama

This went in the mail this morning.

I encourage you to write to our new President and tell him what YOU want.

Hell, everyone else does.

President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

January 28, 2009

Dear President Obama, I write to you as a tax-paying American who did not vote for you.

I saw your proposed plans for "change" and they worried me. I'm a hard-working, middle-class American who typically votes Republican because I am terrified that my taxes will go up and passed along to government plans and programs that I will never benefit from. I lose sleep at night because I feel that government is bigger than ever. It started with the Bush Administration and is very apparent that it will continue with yours. I am finding that the government is determined to tell me who I need to "help." Forget the fact that I regularly support my college alma mater through my time and money. I regularly donate to nonprofit organizations such as the American Kidney Foundation and the American Cancer Society. I have coached a softball team made up of 8-year old girls for the past two years now at the same park where I played at the same age. Can you put a price on someone's volunteer time?

I recently received my W2 in the mail and nearly got sick to my stomach when reminded how much of my paycheck has been taken out for taxes. You would think I would be used to this by now but I still can't fathom how the government takes so much and justifies so little.

I recently got married and my husband and I each have successful and stable careers. I am angry that we will now be punished for our hard-working mentalities. I am tempted to quit my job to keep us under an inevitable low cap. What would happen to the economy then, if enough people thought the same thing?

Lip service isn't enough.

The government has no right to make me responsible for those less fortunate (or those less motivated). It is my responsibility to make the moral decision to help those in need.

Nowhere in the U.S. Constitution does it state that the U.S. President is responsible for the economy. Not the downfall of it, not the stabilizing of it, not the growth of it. A capitalist market should entail as little government involvement as possible.

Let the market decide the fate of the auto industry, for example.

When you reach out to help these failing corporations that have made bad or corrupt business decisions, you have created a sense of entitlement for all. Meanwhile, people like me are left standing here, penniless and perturbed. I work 50 hours a week or more. I volunteer my time because I want to. Yet, no one is coming to me to ask what they can do for me. In fact, the government penalizes me by taxing me more and more, leaving me wondering: Why bother to be a proud American?

Where is my bailout? Where is my check?

Not a fair question, is it?

Prove me wrong and show me that you are not the socialist I believe you to be. You want people like myself on your side, I assure you. Ultimately, it will come down to those of us who work hard and give a damn.



Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Identity Crisis of the Week

I always had a very unique last name. Aside from family, no one had my last name that I knew of.

Then, I got married to someone with a more common last name.

Then, someone on Facebook asked to be my friend. I had never met the girl before.
Her name is the same as mine.

Immediately, I had an identity crisis.

Holy shit. There are more "me"s out there?! No way. Uh uh.

I was about to hit "deny" on the "approve friend" box, when my husband said: "That's mean."

I looked at him, confused. "Why is it mean? She isn't my friend. That doesn't make her a bad person. I've just never met her before. She isn't my friend. This is asking if she's my friend. She's not."

He blinked once and turned back to the TV. "She could be."

It got quiet before we both burst out into laughter over the cheesiness of the statement.

I turned back to the computer screen. "Well, I suppose if she's a conservative, I'll approve her."

I had to justify it somehow.

"I love Jesus," it said on her profile.

I hit "approve," for fear of being hit by lightning otherwise.

A Purse Story

Okay, girls, you can relate to this.

A purse is an interesting thing. It's almost like choosing a guy.

You pick a purse based upon lots of things. Does it match what you wear? Is it modern, casual, dressy? Does it have that inside pocket for your phone? Does it have an outside pocket for your keys? Does it have a shoulder strap long enough to hold on your shoulder, or will you be destined to waste your time and be uncomfortable holding the damn thing in one hand, not without building your biceps?

You get in line to buy the purse, and you get excited. It's like looking forward to that first date. You're nervous. Are you doing the right thing? Don't you already have one similar to this at home? No, that's in a camel brown. This one is a deeper, richer color. And remember? You spilled perfume in the other one, and it has that little blue pen mark in the bottom corner.

The first day you use the purse is exciting.

Does it stand up on its own with all of your crap in it? Better yet - does it FIT all of your crap without causing your foundation compact to get lost between the Petsmart membership card and the sheet of emergency Sudafed?

Do you get compliments? Does anyone notice?

You get home, and put it proudly down on the kitchen counter. It stands up straight, and doesn't fall over. You're happy you've created that balance.

Sure, the $170 you dropped on it at the Outlet causes you not to have any money to put IN the purse, but then again, you are reminded of that famous Carrie Bradshaw quote:
"I like my money where I can see it: In my closet."

Was it as good for you as it was for him?

The Obamagasm may not last as long as everyone thought it would.

Cafferty's commentary isn't bad.

Obama bans lobbyists for working for him, but then doesn't fire that Raytheon guy.

He overturns the ban that stopped federal funding for abortion groups.

He closes Gitmo but has no idea where its inmates will go.

He approval ratings went from 83% to 68% in a week.

Perhaps that's only because of the handful of people who are pissed off that they haven't gotten their checks yet.

Have you gotten yours yet?

Thursday, January 22, 2009

A day for terrorists to celebrate

Obama has signed the executive order to close Gitmo.

His words: "The United States will not torture."

...or put up a fight. EVER.

So, terrorists: Come on in! Make yourself comfortable! Soon, we'll be taking up the U.N. Constitution. The gist of it is: Be nice, or you will sit in time out.

Great. The U.S. is losing its teeth, one by one.

I'm less pissed off that Gitmo is closing, and more pissed off that this was one of the first things on his agenda.

How about deciding what to do about the diminishing dollar?

Or figuring out how to save American taxpayers' jobs?

Nope. Instead, we're concerned about terrorists well-being.


Georgia Homestead Tax Exemption - Don't get used to it if you haven't already

So, already the potential high(er) taxes have reared their ugly heads.

Sonny Perdue, the lying POS he is, has decided that he can't find room in funding for the exemption anymore. The Homestead Tax Exemption may be next on the chopping block.

For many regular ol' homeowners living in Georgia, that could mean paying an additional $200-500 a year in property taxes. Just what you need, hm?

When I write a check to the county (and city, since I'm within city limits) each year, I get out the Vaseline, and then I cry after I write the check. No one even takes me out to dinner afterwards.

Sonny, you lied to your constituents when they wanted the simplicity of you updating the Georgia flag to what it used to be. It took you years to move on the topic.
Then, you did a rain dance when we went through a drought.
Then, you did very little (and I'm being generous here by saying you did anything at all) when we had that gas shortage due to hurricanes and subsequently, a wussy, panicy public who lives for self-fulfilling prophecies.

Useless. All politicians. Useless.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

What have we learned so far?

What have we learned so far? Since January 20, 2009?

The Grape Kool-Aid has been made. And people have already poured themselves a cup.
I learned tonight through a friend that he had a conversation recently involving global warming.
"It's -30 out. So much for global warming," he said.
His liberal friend responded: "No, extreme cold is a sign of global warming."
Um, okay.

Obama can't speak publicly without a teleprompter.
So, he had to retake the oath.
Um, okay. Again.
And no, I'm not nit-picking our President. I'm doing the exact same friggin' thing everyone did to Bush.

The checks should be coming in any minute.
Actual conversation overheard at Publix in Cobb County, GA:
2 black woman were having a conversation in line at the grocery store. One woman said, "When should we get our checks? My preacher told me that if I voted for Obama, I'd get a check."
A white guy turned around and said to one woman: "I just got mine yesterday."
Obviously screwing with them, he turned back around, straight-faced.
The woman, obviously angry with the fact that they hadn't received theirs yet, talked about how they'd give their preacher an earful.

Fashion is story #1
There is genocide happening in Africa. Our own economy is in shambles. Our unemployment rate is growing, our dollar's value is shrinking. But you know what?
This is a story: Obama took off his jacket.
Oh, and is wife has scarily-icky fashion sense. But I imagine some of you may have just had dinner, so I won't go there with that gross out. As an aside, will someone tell her to stop trying to be Jackie O.? It ain't working out for her.

The whole world watched the inauguration. Except me.
I had better things to do. Like laundry. And Bejewled.
Castro watched, though. He thinks Obama is a "sincere person with good ideas." That's because he's a socialist, not unlike your communist ass.
This amazes me. I will never cease to be amazed by the American people's logic. "I hate Bush, so I'm gonna vote for the guy drastically different than him."
Obama is a freakin' socialist.
But it's okay. He's the messiah.
Oh, and let's not forget Osama's loving message. Well, rather, Gadhafi's suggestion that we should hold hands and make up. Perhaps we should have one big liberal orgy?

Such humble beginnings
The most expensive inauguration in U.S. history. Meanwhile, the homeless population in D.C. stayed the same. $170 million to parade a human in front of the world. It's a sick fascination in the political world. They want to prove they'll save you money and tax you less: But somehow, someway, you will get more. How do they do this? Well, they'll just have to spend millions, and you'll see...
Emperors new clothes, anyone?

You know, I blame Bush for part of this. Because he was such a lousy President, and because he had a weak group around him (and let's not forget to mention, he had Democrats so unwilling to work "across the aisle" like they so often claim to be). I blame the American public. I blame people's selfishness, fear, and unwillingness to work hard.

As a white woman, I want to know what "change" I should expect to see. And when will I see it? Within the next 4 years, or will I have to wait until the messiah is voted in again? (Thank God for term limits)

Since I'm white, am I going to be passed over? Since I'm a woman, will I get the shaft, like we so often do anyways?

Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin... they were both minorities. In fact, had either of them been saying that oath yesterday, THAT would have been even more historical. Yes, I said it. Even more historical. Oops - does that make me racist?
Maybe I'm just bitter from the shit they both went through. The media's sexist jokes. The unforgiving television interviews. The judging of their personal decisions (Clinton's decision to stay with her husband and Palin's pregnant, unwed daughter).

I am reminded of a quote that I heard years ago from a strong woman:
"Men run the world because we let them."

You hear all the time: "If Mexicans didn't work for a week, America would lie in shambles."
If women didn't work for a day - if they went on strike - what would the world look like?
No, let's look even smaller: What would your kitchen look like? Your laundry?

So, all of that makes me racist?

Before you answer me, don't forget to check your history -

Black men were allowed the right to vote: 15th Amendment, 1870
The "...right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of race, color, or previous condition of servitude."

Gee, I don't see anything in there about women.

Women were allowed the right to vote: 19th Amendment, 1920

Interesting. 50 years later.

You know, it is said that when Frederick Douglass and Susan B. Anthony worked together, Douglass eventually told Anthony that he would only work for black men's rights, because he didn't believe anyone would agree to women's rights.

Thanks, Fred. 'Preciate your hard work for minorities in general.

Okay, I digress.

The point is this:

I am deeply saddened by people's motives in voting in our new President.

They voted for him on the basis of "change." What change that is, I have yet to figure that out.

Not one person can tell me specifically what he stands for. Granted, that's how ALL politicians are. You can lump them into the "anti-abortion" category, or the "pro-Israeli" category.
But beyond that, there aren't many specifics that a politicians will make you privy too. Why? Because it corners them too much. Those on the fence may not vote for you if they were swaying your way until you said that you liked mushrooms on your pizza. Oh, how you're just a fun-guy.

But Obama has been a special kind of vague.

Change. Hope.

Change from what? Bush? Isn't that sort of obvious, what with a new President and all?

Hope. Hope what? What is being hoped? What do you hope for? I hope for good weather, a healthy family, and to lose a couple of pounds. Surely you can't have the same hope I do.

Obama's marketing was genius. It hit the lowest common denominator.

Just be vague.

Look at some successful company slogans:

Nike: Just Do it
Staples: That was easy.

Keep it simple, stupid.

Ever seen the movie Idiocracy? No? Go see it. You'll laugh so hard you'll cry.
And then you'll cry because you'll see: It's already here.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

A few thoughts...

Oscar Mayer Lunchables: Turkey & Cheddar with crackers ROCKS.
They have equal number crackers, turkey slices, and cheddar slices. The perfect lunch for when you're kinda hungry but not really.
Quite tasty.

The expression "Balls to the wall."
Where did it come from?

The warning on the back of Tylenol PM...
"Consult your doctor if you consume more than 3 alcoholic drinks a day. Acetaminophen may cause liver damage."
Um, wouldn't being an alcoholic cause liver damage? Just wondering.