Allison's version of Best Week Ever

So, who's having the Best Week Ever?

Here's my list.

#5 - Americans.
Now we're telling pollsters that we're "sick of Iraq," while we tire of having to bitch about the horrible economy. (speaking of which - why are restaurants so crowded still?)
Nice, America. You suck. People are on the verge of beating a horrible terrorist group known as the Taliban ("they're not terrorist, they're just extreme," I think I heard one liberal describe them to me once), and we're "sick of it." Okay. Ball game.

#4 - El Chapo
This drug lord made the Forbes list of richest people. Awesome. It must be so cool to be you, buddy. You can make as much money (legally or illegally) as you'd like, and you don't even have to pay taxes on it. You know, kind of like Chicago politicians!

#3 - This boy
This one is just too easy.
What a holy/wholly kid.
Oooo... sorry. Too soon? Too soon?

#2 - Amtrak workers
A gazillion bazillion dollars are due to make their way to Amtrak, courtesy of V.P. Looney Biden! Woohoo! After all, Amtrak is a "national treasure," as Biden put it.
A NATIONAL TREASURE?! Holy shit. This guy has got to cut back on the Nic Cage movies.

And, the #1 winner:

Those cashing in on those debit card fees!

How great to make money off of people who are spending money! That's not done enough in annual fees, taxes, interest... etc.
Brilliant! Why didn't *I* think of that?!

Honorable Mentions of those NOT having the Best Weeks...

Jim Cramer or John Stewart.
I find Jim Cramer obnoxious as hell, and John Stewart a smarmy, unfunny man. So, nothing funny to post here.

Guy who beheaded his wife
Look, my husband will tell you - there are other ways to get us to hush.
This guy is such a low life that he not only murdered his wife, but had the balls to say "not guilty" afterwards.

Chris Brown and Rihanna record duet
Oh, how romantic. What a great thing to teach young adults.
"He hit me, but he still loves me. You know how I know? We sing together."
Gag me with a spoon. Do either of these two have fans that respect them anymore?