And so the dumbass proceeds to lie to the cop

This morning, I hit the snooze about 3 times.

I finally got up, took a shower, and went downstairs. I looked at the clock and wondered if I should cut a piece of blueberry bread I made a couple of days ago, or if I wanted to run through Dunkin Donuts for a bagel and an OJ (I'm on a kick recently).

I opted for the latter.

As I left Dunkin Donuts, I had to make a right on a busy road. I looked in my rear view mirror, as I'm always curious to see who I'm holding up. A black car was behind me, and a silver SUV was behind it.

The black car changed his mind and decided he wanted to turn left. So, he got over into the next lane. The silver car moved up. I had to inch up because I couldn't tell if the coast was clear. It wasn't. A Jeep was flying up the street.

So I sat.

And then - BAM! I lunge forward. It was obvious I had just been hit.

I get out of my car in the 27 degrees, and the lady behind me gets out of her GMC.

I briefly looked at the back of my car and didn't see any damage.

"Are you okay?" I asked her. I immediately assumed someone behind her had hit her, and thus, she hit me. There was too much of a delay in me sitting there and her hitting me for her just to have hit the accelerator.

"I'm fine. But you hit me!" she yelled.

I blinked. Was this really happening? Had she seriously convinced herself of this?

At this point in time, our cars were positioned as such. See diagram below.

I continued to blink. Maybe I was still dreaming?

"How, pray tell, did I hit you if you were behind me?" I asked her, honestly hoping for an answer.

"You tried to pass me and you hit me," she said. It was obvious that she was lying through her teeth.

I then realized that my knuckles were white. Not from the cold, but because of how ANGRY I was. I realized I was about to go to prison because all I wanted to do was knock this bitch's teeth out.

I walked around to the back of her car to get her plate number. I had "been there, done that" with a hit and run before, and this one wasn't getting away from me.

I realized she was a Georgia Tech fan. Welp, there was the problem. They apparently can engineer vehicles but can't drive 'em. Idiot.

I called the police, and discovered that we were on the border of the City and the County.

"I've called the police, they're on their way," I told the woman. "I'll pull up a little in the turn lane so you can get out of traffic."

How nice am I?

"They'll be here in 2 hours," the woman said, pissy. I looked for an Obama sticker. What did she care? She wasn't dressed like she was on her way to work.

I walked around my car one more time after moving up, and saw that the back corner of my SUV was totally screwed up. This made me more angry. Yes, I have an anger problem. It's based off of reaction to selfishness, stupidity, and laziness. Any combo of those three can trigger my inner-Hulk.

"You hit me," she added, like a drunken parrot. I wanted to punch her, close-fisted.

"I am sure the cops will love to get that story. I'm sure it's a good one for a Monday morning," I rolled my eyes, secretly praying that we ended up with a cop that would see through this woman's bullshit.

The County officer showed up first. She was cool. The woman turned around so she was facing away from me (obviously she didn't want me hearing what she was saying). I was fuming inside, but managed to stay calm and collect. It wasn't easy - I was cold from the weather, and shaking from the anger.

Then I handed the Officer my license and insurance. She asked me what happened, and I told her.

"So you were behind her?" she asked.

"No, 'mam, I was in front of her," I answered. She looked confused for a second, and jotted something down on her notepad.

She took down phone numbers for both of us and told us we could wait in our cars.

I got in my car and called Matt, pissed. Then I got a call from a co-worker. I was the one who opens the office, and no one was there to open the office up. I told her to hang tight, I'd be there soon.

Then, the City cop showed up. Another woman. I heard the two of them talking, and they stood behind my car, examining the damage.

The County cop came to my passenger side door and I rolled down the window. She leaned in.

"So. If her story is what happened..." she started, and I could tell she was being sarcastic, "How in the world did you manage to get your car in between hers and the curb?" She smirked.

"I was going to see if you could tell me!" I laughed, relieved that the cop saw through the bullshit.

"I've worked as a cop for 10 years, and so has she," she said, motioning to the City cop. "We hear a lot of stories."

"I figure," I smiled, trying to figure out if the other driver was going to get a ticket or what.

I thanked the officer, and she walked away.

I heard the two officers talking, and heard the County one say "Do you need me to stick around?"

Soon, it was just the City cop. She handed me back my info, and told me I was free to go.

I couldn't tell if the other lady got a ticket or what. I didn't ask. I can pick up the police report in 3-5 days.

This marks the third time I've been hit by someone.

Why are people so fucking clueless when operating heavy machinery?

All I know is that I should have stuck to the blueberry bread this morning.